| There is a fine line between giving too much and taking too much. Tipping too far over on to one side can cause anger, resentment, and distrust – on both sides. It can let us feel out of balance, out of breath, out of touch. This can happen in many places and many situations, such as conversations, in partnerships, in work relationships. Have you ever felt like a conversation was off-balance, or felt an underlying imbalance in the relationship with another person? You can sense it - and you can change it.... |  |
We can notice this in conversations. One person might “hog” the conversation by speaking only of themselves – anyone ever have a date like that? Yeah. Not fun. The person seemed to show no interest in you, right? Or, we may have the other extreme, where one person asks so many questions that it can feel like an interrogation – and we learn nothing of the other person. What are they hiding? What do they not wish to share with us and how much do they want to invest in the relationship when they give up so little of themselves? What one side may think is curiosity can feel like questioning on the other side. There is no balance that would create a sense of trust, a healthy give and take. The person that grabs hold of an entire conversation is not one we would trust to have our interest at heart, and the person who only wants to ask questions and does not share, will not win our trust either.
One can observe this in relationships as well. The imbalance of give and take, where one side may take more as the other gives more to make it possible. I have seen this in scenario where one partner showed off a new purchase while the partner was at home on the weekend they could have been travelling with friends – but didn’t because the other one deemed that trip too expensive. Was that purchase truly necessary? Was it something that could have been given up, just as the trip had been given up? There can be a deep misalignment with the sense of fairness, and too much of this imbalance can also lead to disharmony in the relationship over time.
Another scenario is the human version of the Giving Tree. The ones that always step in, the ones that always do, the ones that take on more than they can, just to not say no. Though this can take two, and both sides enable this, it is also up to us to notice how much – or little – we are giving and how much we are taking, and to look for the imbalance. We can, and we should, look for possible resentment building up, if that person is pulling back, and what we can do to create a shift and recreate the balance.
Creating that balance is much like breathing: inhale, exhale. Too much inhaling or too much exhaling will have us dizzy, gasping for air, and feeling rather uncomfortable. Or for those that do yoga, pose and counter-pose. We simply need both. The next time you notice an imbalance, in your conversations, in your relationship, or elsewhere around you, take a moment to breathe and to reflect. What is there too much of, what is there too little of? What can be shifted? Where can you shift from a take to a more gentle receive?
Inhale and exhale. Give and receive…. Because we really do need both.
(SCH – 2017-05-02)
One can observe this in relationships as well. The imbalance of give and take, where one side may take more as the other gives more to make it possible. I have seen this in scenario where one partner showed off a new purchase while the partner was at home on the weekend they could have been travelling with friends – but didn’t because the other one deemed that trip too expensive. Was that purchase truly necessary? Was it something that could have been given up, just as the trip had been given up? There can be a deep misalignment with the sense of fairness, and too much of this imbalance can also lead to disharmony in the relationship over time.
Another scenario is the human version of the Giving Tree. The ones that always step in, the ones that always do, the ones that take on more than they can, just to not say no. Though this can take two, and both sides enable this, it is also up to us to notice how much – or little – we are giving and how much we are taking, and to look for the imbalance. We can, and we should, look for possible resentment building up, if that person is pulling back, and what we can do to create a shift and recreate the balance.
Creating that balance is much like breathing: inhale, exhale. Too much inhaling or too much exhaling will have us dizzy, gasping for air, and feeling rather uncomfortable. Or for those that do yoga, pose and counter-pose. We simply need both. The next time you notice an imbalance, in your conversations, in your relationship, or elsewhere around you, take a moment to breathe and to reflect. What is there too much of, what is there too little of? What can be shifted? Where can you shift from a take to a more gentle receive?
Inhale and exhale. Give and receive…. Because we really do need both.
(SCH – 2017-05-02)
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